Although not completely sleazy from lacking the fake full-body tan and wax, this guy is pretty damn sleazy. See the list below for what qualifies as sleaze.

The Sleaze List

Always ongoing, always compiling.  As time moves on, new versions of sleaze emerge.

• Used car sales
• Gold chains
• Unbuttoned dress shirts
• Bluetooth headsets
• Raising one eye-brow
• Paying for sex
• Smirking while chewing gum
• Police uniforms at a costume party
• Selling Option-ARM mortgages to “lower your monthly payment”
• Playing the video game “Leisure Suit Larry”
• Being in Las Vegas
• Multi-Level Marketing
• Hypocritical politicians (was “hypocritical” even necessary?)
• Having sex with a close friend’s sister or mom (cousins OK)
• Being completely tanned
• Being completely waxed
• Wearing Speedos at a pool party
• Wearing “stunna shades” at any time
• Being completely tanned & waxed, wearing Speedos, “stunna shades” and a gold chain at a pool party
• Anyone asking for a donation in front of a store… work for the money you need for your “good cause,” alleged non-profiteers!
• “Forgetting your wallet or purse” thus forcing your date to pay for everything

What is the sleaziest thing you have ever done in your life?  If it’s actually sleazy, I’ll add it to the list and give you credit.  Leave your answers in the comments section!

Sleaze Test coming soon…

Chris Farley as a fat chick.

It’s true! Every fat chick I’ve seen has only been happy when they’re eating. It may not be the actual “being fat” that makes a fat girl unhappy. It’s the effects of being fat, i.e. people laughing at them, little to no sex, people raising an eyebrow whenever they decide to “splurge a little,” etc. The list goes on…

Fat girls, hopefully this article will help you despite its lack of political correctness. I opted for that phrase instead of “despite its lack of sugar-coating” because I didn’t want to make you hungry… Oh, wait… Oops.  Just ignore that part about sweet, sugary, goodness that would be so yummy in your tummy right now and follow the Fat Girl Dos and Don’ts below.  If you follow it to a tee (bone steak), then you’ll be A1, I mean, A-OK.

Fat Girl Dos

• Stop breathing on me
• Get up and walk around
• Lift weights.  Lifting one-pound burritos to your mouth doesn’t count
• Wash under your folds
• Stop describing yourself as “Voluptuous.”  Anna Nicole Smith (after weight loss) was voluptuous.  At her largest, she was just fat.
  
• Hire a people-mover in case you fail miserably at your several-hundredth attempt to lose weight
  

Fat Girl Don’ts

• Don’t do aerobics at home if you don’t live on the ground floor.  Common sense.
• Don’t get drunk when you go out.  You’ll start thinking you’re hot and make a fool of yourself.  Either that or you’ll get even more depressed.  Just save yourself the trouble and eat some cake.
• Don’t prospect guys that don’t appear to be completely hammered.  That’s the only way he’ll go home with you.
• Don’t be obnoxious.  You’re already taking up enough space.  No need to fill our ears with your slovenly banter.
• Don’t go to the beach.  Please.  Just don’t.

If you’re having a tough time accepting all of this, let me just leave you with this YouTube video of Chris Farley as a fat chick…

Told you.

Too much work to keep clean.

You guessed right.  It’s not shaved.  Too dangerous.

If you choose to take on such an endeavor, it shows you just how to do it here.

How often do you shave your nuts?

(polls)

What I've encountered when hitting on chicks in dark parking lots... what's the big deal!?

I’ve tried so hard to land these broads, but nothing ever comes up.  What’s the matter with them?  I’ve done everything I thought they’d like.  For instance, I stopped trying to find women at clubs and bars because I was told by some of my female friends (mom and sister) that girls don’t want to meet a nice young man in that environment.  So, I started trying to meet women in parking lots of bars and clubs.

Different location, right?  I thought it made sense.  I’d walk up and pay a compliment like, “Hey baby, nice rack” or “Hey sugar, come here and sit on my face” (a girl likes a guy that takes control).  After being called an “asshole” or “creep” more times than I’ve wacked off in the last year (wack off 5x a day, 365 days in a year, you do the math) I decided to take a more physical approach.

I’ve seen some of these Latin dancers on TV touch the ladies, and they swoon.  So, I tried just grabbing the girls and dancing with them.  Usually, they just start laughing and dance along for a few seconds.  Just when I thought I had success, the girls would start breaking away from me and here I am getting strung along for less than half a minute thinking I’m going to get laid!  What a bust!  More so, I got maced at least 7 times (and they say 7′s a lucky number).  Now I’m known in my town as the Parking Lot Rapist.  What a label.  I guess it’s not so bad since they say that womens’ favorite fantasy is the “Rape Fantasy.”

I’m a rapist?  So be it.  I’m getting laid!